The First Week, and Then

The first week was hard for Venus. Perhaps the first two. She sat in the hurt, wanting to pick up the phone to reach out to him and make things right. Maybe she could get past it all, set aside her feelings and expectations if it meant more time with him.

Venus cast a sideways glance at her phone and despite the urge, didn’t pick it up, and went about her day. The phone didn’t buzz. The silence that settled into her home, into her, was suffocating for the first week, maybe two. Venus communicated every day with him and suddenly, there was

silence. 

Her chest hurt. Was this loss? Grief? She sat with that hurt and it made itself known to her the first week, and into the second. A retreat with her family didn’t serve as an escape from the dam ready to burst within her. Venus attempted to patch the cracks within its walls.

It leaked, at first. Hand to her face, she attempted to conceal it. But then, it burst, the pain demanding to be felt in its entirety. It overwhelmed her. A sob racked her chest and her mom immediately enveloped Venus in an embrace. Nothing was said; her mom simply understood. 

The first two weeks were hard. She wasn’t certain when the tears would stop. Venus was tired of having to rebuild the dam after it burst. She used music to drown out the silence of her home. Books became her escape, and her affectionate cat as a tether to the world. 

She watched the days taper by. She’d sneak glances at the dark screen of her phone and saw her own reflection within it. The urge to pick it up faded, little by little. Those first weeks were hard, but while pieces of herself were scattered about, Venus was intentional in putting them back together.

The first two weeks turned to two months. Venus realized she’d finally breached the surface. It was like a light turned on in the darkness. She was home and all was quiet. There was no need to drown out the silence. Venus sat within it and didn't feel the claws of sadness drag her down to its depths. 

Two months turned to four and in that time, she grew confident. One day, she glanced at her phone again and she saw her reflection on the dark phone screen. In it, Venus saw a girl who faced the hurt, rebuilt herself, and was now someone she trusted. She let herself feel the hurt but refused to return to what caused it.

Four months turned to five and Venus was now proud of the girl staring back in that reflection. She had broken away, even with her heart begging her to stay. 

The first weeks were hard. But then, on a random Tuesday, Venus realized she no longer thought of him as often as she did.

She was free.