The Ache of Letting Go

“I don’t know.”

The words fled from her in a whisper. To use her voice felt like too much energy when she spent a lot of it trying to keep her heart from breaking. Any louder and she feared he’d hear it.

She wanted to answer his question by saying she’d need a week. A month. But deep down she knew that would be inadequate.

A week or a month would not have been enough time to get unused to the daily messages. It wouldn’t have been enough time to rid herself of the frequent thoughts she had of him. Of them. It wouldn’t have been enough time to separate herself from him.

So instead, she considers forever. Because a notification in a week or a year would ignite the hope of him changing his mind. A simple notification that would break her heart again and be left to pick up the pieces.

She ends the call with a goodbye and while tears fall from her eyes, she wonders if he knows she means forever. She wonders when she says goodbye if he knows it’s to their years of friendship.